It's okay to grieve the loss of your good health.
At any age, many of us suddenly find ourselves confronting ill health. Sometimes, it's relatively minor, like a bad back or creaky knees. Other times, it's much more serious, like Alzheimer's or cancer.
Often, it's not just physical health, but mental health. We, who were sunny and happy in our youth, are suddenly depressed, anxious, and out-of-sorts.
There's a part of getting ill that few people talk about: grief.
Losing your health is a loss. It's a change that's uncomfortable. Many times it can be forever; you know that you'll never have the painless days and massive energy of youth.
Every Age
Younger people who've fallen ill can seem the most resilient. They often seem to remain happy, but there is often a small spot of grief in their eyes and voices.
Those of us who are older often have even greater grief. We knew a time when we weren't ill, when things didn't hurt, when we didn't seem to spend more time with the doctor than doing anything else. Even natural aging can leave us sad for a time when we felt great.
Social Stigma
Despite the fact that everyone gets sick at some point, there's still a social stigma when one is ill. This is especially noticeable when one's illness is highly visible or completely invisible.
Visible Illness
If you have a skin condition, alopecia, or a serious limp, people will often look a little uncomfortable. If your condition looks particularly odd to many, they might even move away from you.
Invisible Illness
Many illnesses are completely invisible, but affect how we interact with the world. For example, someone with significant inflammation due to an autoimmune disease might not be able to walk well, but will get strange looks when they're dropped off in front of a store. Especially if they're young-looking.
Someone who is overweight might feel a stigma every day. This is a bit odd in a world where 74% of Americans are overweight. 1 Very often, obesity is not in someone's control. It can be caused by an inability to move well, hormonal imbalances, or simply genes that make weight loss impossible.
Grieving Health
Taking time to consciously grieve one's health can help us move on from the feelings we have. While society might judge us for how we look, how we move, or how we behave, we need to know that illnesses are not something we ask for. Even if your own behavior led to where you are right now, you still don't deserve to be ill.
Allowing oneself to move through your grief, accept it as part of your journey, and allow yourself to say goodbye to your good health can give you a sense of control of some portion of your illness.
Your grief can affect your entire life. From your relationships to your work to your self-esteem, everything in your world can be affected by grief.
Unacknowledged grief can cause us to be depressed, hostile, even violent.
In our society, we allow ourselves to grieve the loss of a loved one, but we rarely are allowed to grieve losses that seem less tangible. Your health was always just yours. No one knew if you were feeling great or poorly unless you told them.
Now that it's gone, no one can see the hole that's been left in you. This is doubly true for mental health. No one can see your struggles with depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc.
This is your official permission: You are allowed to grieve the loss of good health, whether it's permanent or temporary, in your youth or in your old age.
Process your grief with family, friends, counselors, groups, or any way that works best for you.
Remember: You are much, much more than the body you inhabit.